eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What a dumb baby whore.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
