AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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