I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
