dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
