And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
