No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize