I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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