I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
