haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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