Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
