One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
