Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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