i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
