I heard we made out
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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