it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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