Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
