I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
