Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You work out of a Hotel?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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