Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
