Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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