Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
