Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
