Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
