I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize