don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
