I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
