i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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