We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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