i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
