What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
