totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
