I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize