Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
