Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
