We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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