the day after is always just damage control
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
