Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize