Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
