I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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