I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
