mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
