Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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