I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
