there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
what the fuck happened to the tacos
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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