You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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