His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
