I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize