This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
