went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
