well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
