Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
