I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
