my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you had me at cake vodka
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
