If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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