You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
