Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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