Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
