Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
