you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
