I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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