he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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