I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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