sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
