dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
