yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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