You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
