I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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