The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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