Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
