After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize