It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
