i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
